Toxic Relationships and Forgiveness

While being chased by a rabid dog, at what point do you stop running and face the dog?

I'm not sure who said that. I do know that is was at one of the Pepperdine lectureships (it's also a paraphrase of what was said) and it was in reference to running away from sin. It's always stuck with me and has created a great visual. Here you are running away from something that causes you to sin and you decided that you can face that sin. What you are really doing is allowing temptation to creep in. I think we all know what happens when we give in to temptation. So rather than facing the sin, keep running away from it.

There are also other topics and situations this little saying can relate to.

While having a discussion about forgiveness the other day, the conversation I was involved in turned to toxic relationships and getting out of them.

Forgiveness is a great thing. You can research for years on the subject. You have the forgiver, the forgiven, the need for forgiveness, the weight lifted from forgiving, the clear conscious of admitting you need to be forgiven; the list goes on and on.

While some people won't ask for forgiveness we know that it is important that we still forgive those who have sinned against us. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21,22

One issue that is hard to deal with and grasp is forgiving and moving on. I'm not talking about moving on as in forgetting what they did, that is impossible and we all deal with the memories. Only God is able and has authority to wipe the slate clean. What I am referring to is eliminating the toxic people from your life after you have forgiven them.

In the relationship of marriage, you will find abusive spouses, be it physical or emotional. The typical stories you hear in these situations is that of forgiving and jumping back into the ring. While we hope that after forgiveness there is smooth sailing, more often than not the abusive cycle begins again.

That is probably the most common example of a toxic relationship and I could show others examples if needed dealing with friends, employers, children and parents. But the point is that people fail to realize that forgiveness does not mean you need to stick around for more abuse. If the situation is taking away your power, the person is manipulating you or controlling you, it's time to get out of that situation. Nobody deserves that kind of power as it is reserved only for God. No person is worth your soul if they cause you to lose your peace, your walk with God, lead you to sin, take away your joy or your mind ultimately causing you to stumble and fall.

Before you cut ties with anyone make your feelings known to them. Explain that you are not going to allow them to become a stumbling block in your life and that you have forgiven them for any wrongs they have done to you. You may have a pleasant time moving forward with them. 

If however, they do not welcome your attempt to make peace, or if the situation is not going to be healthy for you, do as Jesus says in Luke 9 when he was instructing the apostles to go out and proclaim the kingdom of God. If people do not welcome you, leave their town and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them. Jesus explains that we need to cut all ties with people who won't listen and go so far as to not even have any dust on your feet from your encounter. Limited contact does not work with toxic people

Looking at another verse from the old testament, Abram and Lot Separate. Genesis 13:8,9 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”

Don't worry if that seems harsh. Many people will counter with out of context scripture or even try to say (like a previous weekly message) "That's not very Christian of you". Remember that Jesus said Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth? I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Matthew 10:34-39

Remember: If you are being chased by a rabid dog, if you are being hunted down by sin, if there is a toxic person in your life, don't stop and face it. Keep running.

Fake Fronts

On June 17-18, the world's eight most powerful leaders met for the G8 summit in the village of Enniskillen, Ireland. As might be expected, the town went to great lengths to "spruce up" appearances. But in this case, they took extraordinary measures, which included fake storefronts, giving the appearance of a thriving business climate.

In reality, the entire area has suffered a terrible economic recession, causing many businesses to close their doors for over a year.  Rather than showcasing this reality, the image-conscious village leaders opted for pretension, even going as far as placing large pictures in the windows, giving the appearance of booming business.

Before we shake our heads, let's face it-- we're all guilty of this. How often do we put on appearances for others, pretending to be something we're not? How often do we paste on a smile, stating that "everything's fine", when we're dying inside? How often do we act more "spiritual" around certain people, or more positive, or more...? God's word says a lot about being the same on the inside as the outside.

1 Samuel 16:7 informs us, "People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." That's the "real" us that God sees. Jesus warns,"Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them." He went as far as calling the Pharisees "whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean." (Matt 23:27)

What God really wants from us is to be real; to live in reality; not the reality of who we think we are, but the reality of who HE says we are. Not everyone will like it, but God's opinion is the only one that counts. He looks right past the fake "storefronts" we put up and sees straight into our hearts.

A Perfect Christian.

Just writing the title for this post made me cringe. I'm constantly hearing people say to one another (and yes, myself included) "that's not very Christian of you."

What they are really saying is "Why do you claim to be a Christian when you do bad things too?"

The assumption is that people saying those words are not Christians themselves and have yet to read Matthew 7:5, but I digress.

The thing they don't understand is that a sinner, who follows Christ, is exactly what a Christian is.

Jesus said in Mark 2:17 “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” and in Matthew 9:12-13 “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

To break it down, the word Christian simply means follower of Christ. Nowhere have I found that we have to be perfect.

The world, however, seems to have this view that in order to be a Christian you have to be perfect. Far from it. While we strive to be perfect and it is the goal we try to achieve daily, the Bible, Jesus and God say something different.

• for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of god
• As it is written, "None is righteous, no not one."
• Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
• For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
• And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

By sticking to God's law, constantly correcting our course in life, looking to Jesus and asking for spiritual help and guidance we can be perfect Christians. We cannot be sinless, but we can receive the grace that makes us saved.

Taming the Tongue

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. - James 3:1-2 (NIV)

A video has been circulating that shows a Baptist preacher loosing his cool during a lesson and decides to unload on the congregation, singling out anyone who he finds fault with. The preacher obviously has passion for his flock but in doing so he also made some harsh statements that you would normally not hear from the pulpit; he decided to clean house right then and there.

The video, as of this writing, has around 1/2 million views on YouTube. There are several (hundreds of?)  blogs that are full of discussion, praise, hate and vile language about the preacher. Anti-christian groups are using it as propaganda. 

There are people who would love to have a video with that many views and the secret is not in doing something huge; "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

Looking at Hollywood, there are several examples of celebrities, which would not be appropriate here, who lost control of their tongue and got in trouble. Some may have said a lot and some may have only said a word or two and as a result, their career was forever ruined. 

The same is true with our spiritual lives. Jesus said "No one can serve two masters" speaking of God and money. In the same respect, James 3:9-12, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

While I can understand his passion, this is exactly what we are warned about in James chapter 3. Without control you run the risk of getting into trouble. The largest ships, as verse 4 states, are guided by a very small rudder, but you can control the ship and steer it wherever you want it to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.

While I won't judge on motive, based on conduct, the preacher may want to teach some Bible studies on:

• Self Control
• Matthew 18:1-5 - First shall be last, last shall be first
• Matthew 18:6-9 - Causing others to stumble
• Matthew 18:15-19 - Dealing with sin in the church
• Ezekiel 34:2-4 - Feed your flock

“I know I’m right, and I know I haven’t done anything wrong,” Standridge told the Barnsdall Times. “I don’t want to offend. That’s not my intention.”

Whether you agree with Mr. Standridge or not, remember to control your tongue. It's a lot easier than doing damage control.

God in America

In forming the foundations for this country, the drafters of the Constitution, first Presidents and other leaders of America put God as the center of their decisions. Putting God second was not an option. As the ruler of Heaven and all creation, they found it best to look to His word as an example of how to live and govern while we are on this earth. As you celebrate this 4th of July, filled with fireworks and hot dogs, friends and family,  here are some quotes from some of America's Founding Fathers concerning God, Christ and Country.

George Washington - 1st U.S. President

"While we are zealously performing the duties of good citizens and soldiers, we certainly ought not to be inattentive to the higher duties of religion. To the distinguished character of Patriot, it should be our highest glory to add the more distinguished character of Christian."

John Adams - 2nd U.S. President and Signer of the Declaration of Independence

"Suppose a nation in some distant Region should take the Bible for their only law Book, and every member should regulate his conduct by the precepts there exhibited! Every member would be obliged in conscience, to temperance, frugality, and industry; to justice, kindness, and charity towards his fellow men; and to piety, love, and reverence toward Almighty God ... What a Eutopia, what a Paradise would this region be."

Thomas Jefferson - 3rd U.S. President, Drafter and Signer of the Declaration of Independence

"God who gave us life gave us liberty. And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are of the Gift of God? That they are not to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that His justice cannot sleep forever; That a revolution of the wheel of fortune, a change of situation, is among possible events; that it may become probable by Supernatural influence! The Almighty has no attribute which can take side with us in that event." 

"I am a real Christian – that is to say, a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus Christ." 

James Madison - 4th U.S. President

"A watchful eye must be kept on ourselves lest while we are building ideal monuments of Renown and Bliss here we neglect to have our names enrolled in the Annals of Heaven."

James Monroe - 5th U.S. President

"When we view the blessings with which our country has been favored, those which we now enjoy, and the means which we possess of handing them down unimpaired to our latest posterity, our attention is irresistibly drawn to the source from whence they flow. Let us then, unite in offering our most grateful acknowledgments for these blessings to the Divine Author of All Good."

John Quincy Adams - 6th U.S. President

"The hope of a Christian is inseparable from his faith. Whoever believes in the divine inspiration of the Holy Scriptures must hope that the religion of Jesus shall prevail throughout the earth. Never since the foundation of the world have the prospects of mankind been more encouraging to that hope than they appear to be at the present time. And may the associated distribution of the Bible proceed and prosper till the Lord shall have made 'bare His holy arm in the eyes of all the nations, and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God' (Isaiah 52:10)."

Patrick Henry - Ratifier of the U.S. Constitution

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship here."

"The Bible ... is a book worth more than all the other books that were ever printed."